"Wait, you have a sister?" A Sibling Story by Laura Putz

“Wait, you have a sister?”  I remember turning my head around to stare at one of my college roommates after she made this statement.  “Of course, I have a sister,” I responded as I pointed to a framed photo of my sister and me on my dresser.  “Oh, you’ve never mentioned it, so I figured you were an only child,” she replied.  We moved on to talk about something else (maybe what tendencies I may have displayed that made her think that I was an only child…maybe my hogging the bathroom?), but something about her observation made me pause.

My sister has a smile that can inspire anyone to smile back no matter how bad a day they are having.  She inherited the natural curly hair that I will always envy, and I have what is kindly called “wavy” hair (not really straight, but not really curly).  We don’t look too much alike (one of us favors our father and the other our mother), but I believe that we have the same the laugh.  She can pick out a beat in music and move her foot to it while I am the one who is constantly a beat off the rhythm.  She also has a serious developmental disability that requires constant care and has left her with impaired mental facilities.

Growing up in a small suburb of Atlanta, all of my classmates and friends knew that my sister was “different.”  Of course, when all you want to do is fit in, anything connected with being “different” isn’t considered to be good.  When I went away to college, I dutifully put up the photo of the two of us, and went on with my very important social whirl.  My roommate’s comment made me think.  Yes, I have a sister, but our sibling relationship would always be different from others.

I love and care for my sister very much.  I always want her to be safe, loved and happy, as everyone wants for their siblings.  However, my relationship with my sister will always be different from other sibling relationships.  I’m not able to call her and tell her about my day or share an eye-roll with her when our parents may be acting a little nutty.  On the other hand, I feel more protective and responsible for her well-being than I would otherwise.  She and I have been very fortunate to have parents that have planned, and continue to plan, for her care.  I’ve always known that one day it will be my responsibility to carry out these plans.

I think that I will always be a little jealous of the relationships that others get to have with their siblings.  My husband will tell you that I can get a little frustrated with people who constantly fight with or ignore their siblings.  As I look at my relationship with my sister now, many years after my roommate’s comment made me pause, I see how our relationship has influenced other important relationships in my life.  I have a very close relationship with our parents that I think partly comes from my admiration of how they raised and cared for us both while also be strong advocates for my sister.  I have several amazing close friends, and these friendships have always been important to me.  I feel that one of the reasons that I have made these friendships a priority is because it is something I wanted to have with my sister.  My husband is one of the most patient and understanding people I have ever met, and I know that it is one of the reasons why I love him.  I know that it was my sister who made me appreciate these traits.  I may not be able to have what I consider an ideal sibling relationship, but I know my relationship with my sister has greatly influenced my life for the better.